blabber.

So, I kind of hit an emotional down. I know a week is not enough time for progress to show... physical progress, anyway; it's clear that my endurance and muscles have gotten stronger. I suck at waiting for time to pass. I'm also just tired. When I'm tired I get down and grumpy. There is so much I don't know.. Insanity is work, no doubt about that. And I want the work to be worth it. After doing it for a week ideally I would see results to encourage me but of course that's not realistic. Here's my schedule:

5: Wake up, make veggie juice, protein shake, put on make up/get ready for work, eat a banana and maybe more
6:15: head to work
7 or 7:15 get to work
4 or 4:30: leave work
5 or 5:30: get home
5:30 or 6: Insanity
6:40 or 7: Finish Insanity, drink protein shake, take a shower
9 or 9:30: go to sleep

More of my woes come from the fact that I think I would be at optimal alertness and mood if I got 9 hours of sleep but am unable to and must settle for 8.

I also don't know if I'm eating right. That's the hardest thing. I know I'm working out the hardest I can, but eating... everyone's body differs so much and I don't know how many calories I should be eating. There are estimates but that still makes me worry. It's not as easy as weight loss = calories out - calories in. If your "calories in" is too little, you GAIN weight or keep the weight you have. Fucking bullshit, man. And weight loss also depends on metabolism, your body and how it adapts to changes (like a work out program), what you feed it, which fat stores decide to deplete first, etc. I never thought I would have a problem of "not eating enough" but I don't think I'm eating enough. In my ideal world, if I eat 1100-1200 calories a day (1500 on a binge day) and I start doing Insanity and keep how much I'm eating I should still fucking lose weight, not keep everything and gain weight.

Another frustrating point is that it's not always easy to eat what I want when I want. It's hard to eat every 2-3 hours when I work a desk job in one room of people. Food preparation takes time out of the work day and smells can get distracting, especially with how picky I am (I don't like to eat bars, I'm almost a vegan, etc.).

I'm just still at the point where it's a guessing game. I know exactly how to go from 130+lbs 28" waist to 120lbs 26" waist. But from 120lbs to 110lbs, that's the mystery. I liken it to my route to finding a solution to acne. I tried a whole bunch of different things and nothing worked for 2 years. I was a step away from requesting Accutane. Finally at my wit's end I took my friend's word on a regimen even though I didn't believe him (it was just something to check off on the list of Things I Tried). I saw some results that have been long-lasting.. but it took about 2 months for results to show. So I guess if this is going to be the same, I better stick it out and hope for the best.