Insanity, Days 32, 33, and 34: Core Cardio & Balance

Monday (Day 33) was good. I pushed myself pretty hard and woke up a little sore on Tuesday morning. Shaun T says it's recovery week so I'm not supposed to be completely exhausted by the end of the workout, so I'm confused by all the difficult and strenuous stuff. Anyway, not entirely in a good mood; yesterday after work I was really hungry so I stopped by this place to get food, and this was after I went to the ATM. Plus there was a lot of traffic on the road so I didn't get to the ATM until 5:20-5:30. Next thing I know, I'm done eating by 6:30. I admit, I procrastinated just relaxing on the couch for half an hour, got to my room, turned on my computer ready to do Insanity and then suddenly it's 7:30 -- how did that happen? I ended up not working out. I'm disappointed that I didn't work out, but I was just so tired. I'm tired all the time, and it pisses me off. Sunday-Monday I slept from 10-6, 8 hours; Monday-Tuesday I slept 8:40-4:30 (but didn't get up until 4:50), almost 8 hours. Last night I slept from 8:50-5 after snoozing from 4:30 and didn't actually get up until 5:15. And I'm still friggin tired.

I'm getting really annoyed at myself. Firstly, I'm not actually sleeping at those above stated times. Those are the times I turn out the lights and lie down. Admittedly, I tend to fall asleep quickly, but it's still probably about 5-10 minutes before I actually go to sleep. ...or less than that, actually. Ok, so maybe not a huge difference. But am I really that tired from not sleeping? Am I making up this whole tired all the time thing as an excuse not to work out, or am I tired at the end of the day from work? I don't know. Ideally, I'd find this out by SLEEPING MORE and figuring that out, but I'm having issues with that. Secondly, I'm not following the schedule I set last week. Thirdly, I really wish I could get by with the amount of sleep that I get, but I am indeed afraid it's not the amount anymore, I'm afraid it's when I am sleeping. Last weekend I slept one night from 11-7 and was totally fine for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, if I slept from 11-7 I would add 0:45:00 to my commute. Fourthly, ... I skipped my workout yesterday! That's twice in two weeks I skipped because I was too tired/lazy/not wanting to do it. I'm debating whether or not to just skip it all together since it is Recovery Week or to use yesterday as a rest day. I'm past the halfway point in Insanity, which feels weird. I feel like I've been doing Insanity forever, in both the I'm-so-used-to-this and the isn't-this-over-yet? contexts. I don't like my second attitude because every time I think that, I have to correct myself and tell myself it's not ever going to be "over." My mentality isn't where I want it to be. I have this longing to be that person who exercises and eats right all the time, as my default and my norm. But I'm over -here-, that person who still has to make changes and be conscious about it, and if given the choice, I wouldn't. I mean, sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Right now I'm not.. obviously. I'm kind of there, and farther to that point than most people I know, but not where I want to be yet.

Oh, and the waking up at 4:30 thing hasn't been working for me yet but I've only done it twice. I think I just need to hustle in the morning. I didn't get out the door until 6:30 on Tuesday and this morning I didn't shower (because I didn't work out last night and I'm tired.. my hair looks awful) nor did I make my smoothie (I ran out of frozen fruit) but I did juice and I got out of the house at 6:15. So it took me an hour to get ready WITHOUT a shower or smoothie. Oh, and Dennis, since I ran out of smoothie stuff, PLUS the fact that I forgot my 32oz jug in the car and substituted with a 24oz jug that has a smaller opening, I drank veggie juice first thing this morning -- it wasn't too bad. I guess I was supposed to have forgotten the jug in the car because where I forgot the jug I also forgot the jug I store my smoothie in which I obviously didn't make. I made the veg juice sweet, though; yesterday I was dying because of how bitter and gross it was with little bits of pulp (I've made up my mind: no more beet leaves in my juice).

I am so lost.. I don't know what to do. My priorities of work, sleep and working out are all on the same plane. Ideally I should add juicing and eating right in there but they have been taking a back seat. And then I also have a boyfriend who I need to be around for so he knows all of the updates of things that I want. Also, I've been breaking out as I said earlier. I need to eat like I used to; I wasn't breaking out then. I need my old willpower and self-control back to stop eating the cookies and granola bars and processed grains. I've always said when one thing sucks, everything sucks, which explains why when I was eating well I was also working out lots and now that I'm tired all the time, I'm breaking out and not working out when I should nor am I eating right. I guess they're all correlated. Now that I'm getting back into my juicing patterns I'm hoping the rest falls into place. Fingers crossed.