Saturday, April 27, 2013

On Self-Confidence and Maturing

On a #throwbackthursday, I posted a picture from late 2007 / early 2008 that was of Meg, Veronica, and me sitting in the Comedy Store. I thought Meg and Veronica haven't aged a day, but I thought I look different now. I confessed to Adam that I got prettier (I use the word "confess" because I admit, I felt guilty for saying I think I am pretty -- the "why" is another blog post) and he agreed without hesitation.

So, you can't really tell that I have double eyelids now when my eyes are open, but when I *don't* have them, my eyes are markedly smaller. I've also lost weight since 2007. Both of these I contribute to getting prettier.

Moreso, I think I've matured mentally and emotionally at a more rapid pace in the past 5 years than in the 5 years preceding 2007. And I knew that before I saw the picture. I just never saw the maturity physically, or felt "prettier" because of it. I've been thinking about self-confidence a lot lately. What makes people self-conscious? I am a fairly non-self-conscious person, so when people are self-conscious, it sometimes drives me crazy.

I performed a very non-scientific poll on Facebook, asking people to name what they are self-conscious about. I got everything from Veronica's "what am I not self-conscious about" to Ricky's "a lot of things, but then I remind myself, fuck other people." Sam mentioned his eyes that are apparently different shapes, and Raymond's self-conscious area had to do with unfortunately proving the Asian height stereotype true.

I then thought -- there are things I don't like about myself, but I'm not self-conscious about them. What's the difference? Again, trusty Facebook. These ranged from actions to habits to looks. The difference is how WE view our flaws. I know that was a really obvious epiphany, but hear me out.

I'd like to tell a story but I'll change it so it's unrecognizable to the person involved. I was at a pizza place with this guy, and he spent more money than he needed to on his pizza. The reason he gave me was that people judge you on the type of pizza you eat. I have another buddy who can eat any pizza he wants because he has a good build, exercises a lot, eats healthy otherwise, and has enough money to buy expensive pizza. He always eats the cheapest pizza from a no name place. Not because he has bad taste, but because he doesn't have to prove anything to anyone and that pizza does what it needs to do.

Ha, so I totally butchered the story, but what's the moral here? The first guy judges people on the type of pizza THEY eat. Most people don't care about the pizza you eat. But he has conjured up specific things about people who eat different types of pizza and orders the one he wants people to identify him with based on that pizza's association's qualities. (That last sentence was really confusing, but I think you know what I mean.)

So, how to go from a "what am I NOT self-conscious about?" to a "fuck other people"? I think it all starts with you. And how you view other people. If you're self-conscious about the size of your neck, I'd guess that you focus on people's necks, and think things about them based on their necks, and you admire people with nice necks and don't want to be associated with qualities you associate with people who have ugly necks. Once you don't care about what people's necks look like, yours becomes average. Beautiful, even. And then you don't care about what people think of yours. I don't think it's as black and white as saying self-conscious people are very judgemental about a lot of things; after all, with Raymond's self-consciousness about his height, I'm pretty sure it's not something that people miss easily upon meeting him, but I think one can make great strides in self-confidence and self-consciousness by understanding that one's view of the world very much makes you think of yourself on those same terms. And remembering, fuck other people.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

This morning and tonight

Morning:
115.6 lbs

Night:
58% tbw
16.4% bf

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

This morning and night

Morning:
115 lbs

Night:
tbw: 56.5%
bf: 18.6%

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Monday, May 21, 2012

Friday, May 18, 2012

Appetite follows happiness

Since the last time I updated this blog, I've run three times, including a mile+ on Tuesday morning and a mile + this morning. I've started to extend my running route: I do my normal mile and then backtrack. On Tuesday and last week I backtracked to the entrance of an alley but today I ran past that to a stop sign. Last week I could feel my endurance level increasing; even without breakfast, I can feel myself stronger and less tired at the end (allowing me to push even farther). Running still sucks though :X This morning I took a sip of water right before my run and a cramp started forming not too long after I started. I pushed through it. Luckily it wasn't a bad cramp but it did make it difficult to breathe. After my run, I ate a quesadilla, although I think I missed the vital 30-minute window -- I bought vegetables from a CSA and I washed my lettuce over and over and inspected every millimeter because I kept finding bugs in the lettuce. At first I was just taking them out with a paper towel but after I got rid of 5 bugs I decided to just wash again. Gross! They don't go away with just the faucet. They need some encouragement and pushing to get off the leaf and down the drain. That was the first time I spotted that many bugs on the lettuce (tiny little green bugs that were still alive! I guess they can survive in the fridge with all food available). Who knows how many bugs I ate from the other times I ate leaves from that lettuce. I realize that I've eaten bugs without knowing before, but ew ew ew. The quesadilla would have been less bad for me if I used whole wheat tortillas but... I went for taste and saving $0.40.

Speaking of food, I caught myself wandering around in my kitchen yesterday trying to find something to eat when I wasn't that hungry! My appetite has come back. It was gone for so long that I had forgotten what it was like to want to eat for the sake of eating. I didn't understand eating for pleasure; I just ate to not get a stomach ache. It was a chore to eat. Yesterday I found myself thinking about food more often. Just two days ago I could only eat half of my bowl of rice from Chego!! It has been a few weeks since I left my job, and I'm not as stressed out anymore. Turns out I'm not a stress eater; I'm a happy eater! Some people are both hahaha. The stressed out eating I can understand: you're stressed out so you want to eat feel-good food. Happy eating? Not sure what's up with that. I'm happy so why do I need food to make me happier? Well, at least I found the answer to the question I was pondering last month: which is more stressful: being at a job I don't love or being unemployed? Granted, it's only been three weeks, so maybe I'm just in a honeymoon phase and the REAL stress of not having a job will come soon.

I weighed myself this morning: 115.2. Last week I was 117. I gain a couple or a few pounds on my period. I was reading that when you're on your period, your metabolism increases slightly. Not enough for the two In-N-Out trips I made!

I read an article that covered a TV show on TLC about obese pregnant women. I posted an article a while back about OB/Gyns turning away overweight women, so I already knew that OB/Gyns face challenges when it comes to treating overweight women with regards to our reproductive system. There was a video clip that accompanied the article and I don't know how much this woman weighed but they spent 45 minutes trying to stick her with the epidural. They could not tell if it was in the right place through all the layers of fat. They put the needle in her a few times on camera, but I'm wondering how many tries they did total. She was in pain every single time of course!! They eventually decided to put her under general anesthesia and perform a c-section. The c-section part honestly surprised me; I thought they were just going to say, "suck it up and give birth naturally." I've never given birth so it's easy for me to say, "suck it up," but I can't believe they resorted to open surgery so quickly. Or maybe there was something that I didn't see. The article also said that that specific hospital needed wider beds that could hold up to 600 lbs because the other beds could only hold 450 lbs. "Only" 450 lbs!! here's the full article: http://abcn.ws/LZfyvX

I got on the Greek yogurt bandwagon. I don't usually eat yogurt because, more often than not, it will contain gelatin. I read the Greek yogurt label a few times to make SURE it didn't contain gelatin. It's a lot thicker than regular yogurt but in taste there's not really that big of a difference. It's fat free, contains active cultures, and I looked at another brand and that did not contain gelatin either, so it's also vegetarian! That being said, I wonder if eating dairy makes me bloated. I might try no dairy for a week or two (eek Yogurtland) after I finish off this batch of Greek yogurt. Oh and cheese that I bought for quesadillas.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Stabilization of weight...NOT

Short entry today, a bit busy.

This morning:
113 lbs

I don't know what's going on or how in the world I lost weight from last weekend. I want to take a vacuum and use the hose attachment to suck out the fat in my lower abdomen and love handles, though!!!!! I wish it were that easy. hahah

Friday, May 4, 2012

How People Around Us Influence Our Eating Habits

Last night I went to sleep rumbly-free. YAY!!! And woke up hungry. Double yay!!

This morning: 113.8. Not back to normal yet, but getting closer. There's a complete linear correlation for my weight gain this week of 0.4 lbs/day. At this rate, my weight should stabilize within the next few days. If I end up at 160 lbs, it was not the food poisoning.

While lying in bed, I found an article from betterworks.com that talks about something we already know: our friends and family influence how we eat, and thusly, how fat or skinny we are. However, the exact numbers surprised me:

(click on the image to view the full article)
Are Your Co-Workers Making You Fat? How the People Around Us Influence What We Eat (Infographic)

I previously thought that these numbers were backwards: that the highest likelihood of being obese is if your spouse is obese and least likelihood of being obese is if your friends are obese. I understand the high relevance of friends but I thought that family had more to do with it.

I, of course, am an anomaly, as I don't think much of my food choices are dictated by my friends. Well, let me qualify that statement with: I don't think this study was meant to say anything about conscious or subconscious eating habits -- just that you and your friends have influence over what you all choose to eat, whether it's conscious or not -- but I do make it a point for myself to stick to my own dietary standards regardless of what others eat. And I say that because I've been accused of "making others feel bad" by eating healthy or not eating unhealthy. (Screw you. I didn't make you feel bad; you made yourself feel bad. Don't blame me, and if you're going to eat a brownie, freaking enjoy it.) However, I don't think any of my friends eat UNhealthy on a regular basis. None of my friends are obese, or even overweight. My friends and I definitely fall into the second category in the third section there, eating fruits and vegetables. If an opportunity presented itself to be friends with an unhealthy eater, I'm not sure how that would affect the friendship. So much of what we do revolves around eating -- first place to go hang out is an eatery, gatherings involve food, etc. I once dated a guy who ate unhealthy and did not like fruit. That did not go over with me well. But friendship, not sure. We live in LA though, which isn't the skinniest city in the US, but it is one of the more health-oriented metropolitan areas, so this may not directly sing to us as individuals here in the city of angels. I have heard that I rub off on others, though; that my eating healthy encourages others to eat healthy (or less bad) too. So the lesson is everyone should be friends with me. The end.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Starting to eat more...

Yesterday I ate Tuesday's leftovers. I grazed on the meal for a few hours. I ate crackers and drank G2 for the rest of the day because they made me feel so much better on Monday I thought those are the only things I want to ingest for the rest of my life, but I got super bloated -- which obviously makes sense because when I was throwing up, I WANTED to retain water. Last night I was STARVING but I had no food in the house! I went to bed and the crackers and G2 were not sitting well. The nausea and stomach ache were back :( I was 113.4 lbs yesterday or today, I forgot. The good news is that tonight I was able to eat rice and veggie fake meat stuff in one sitting in less than 0:20, which is great news. I was scared that I ate too fast. That was because today I had 1.5 servings of split pea soup and then I had a shift from 5 - 8:30 so I was, again, STARVING when it was 8:35. I debated getting LA Vegan Thai, but did not because it was farther south when I had to go north, and the walk back to my apartment would have sucked; and I needed to save money, so I just stopped by Vons on the way home and made rice. I only have a slight stomach ache but no rumbling noises. I've noticed that my patience while waiting before I eat has increased tremendously. I wasn't as grumpy because I knew that if I just ate anything that was next to me I would get a massive stomach ache and totally regret it. So I just rode it out and it paid off.

I'm not at all well enough to go jogging again. I still get shortness of breath and dizzy when I stand up too fast. Realistically I think I'll be back to my normal self by Saturday. Fingers crossed!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It *WAS* the omlet!!!

The stomach ache from yesterday WAS from the omlet!! Grrr food poisoning... I threw up four times in three hours and was in bed for the rest of the night. That was NOT anxiety!! Special special thanks to Dennis for listening to me dying on the phone and walking me through symptoms and pain and solutions; Keith for letting me know he had Gatorade at home; Anj for going to my apartment and dropping off the G2 and crackers because I couldn't even make it across the street to Vons. Also I have to mention Armando because he came home last night at 1 and he didn't "do" anything, but his presence made me feel better. Goes to show that, as social creatures, our health can be altered by those around us. One example being that elderly people live longer and happier lives when they live with people, even in nursing homes.

I went to bed again at 2AM and woke up at 6AM and was shocked about how bad I did not feel. It was like I was never sick!! At 12-2AM I was hot but had goosebumps and chills, was burping a lot, had pain when I used my core muscles, found the need to take deep breaths a lot, felt nauseated in certain positions, had no energy. But not 4 hours later! It was crazy. I weighed myself out of curiosity today and I was 112.6 lbs, 24% body fat, 52.2% TBW. Also for fun I measured my waist and that came out to 25.5". That bulimia diet totally paid off! In real news, I am never ingesting anything again ever ever ever except G2 and crackers ever ever.

Monday, April 30, 2012

My Stomach Hurts

No running last Thursday or Friday but I did run on Saturday. 11-minute mile before breakfast. I was hurting pretty badly.

Saturday morning:
114.8 lbs

Yesterday morning:
116.8 lbs

Last night:
55.x% TBW (YAY finally something over 52% TBW)
19.2% body fat

This morning:
115.6 lbs

My waist is still a solid 26" but the size of my lower abdomen has decreased significantly since last year.

I paused this blog entry to make an omelet. I was thinking that I have been really bad about eating in the morning so I should eat in the morning now. I made a vegetable 2-egg omelet. I ate half and I am full. Full like my stomach hurts. It is not the omelet. I had this feeling yesterday when I ate 1/3 of my meal at brunch lunch (brlunch). So full. I have just lost my appetite. I have been really stressed out for the past few months. My stomach feels like it's in knots all the time, upside down and inside out and doing somersaults and backflips, so when I introduce food into the mix everything hurts. I already eat slowly but I have to eat more slowly than usual. My stomach is always hurting. I hate this feeling. I hope everything feels better for me soon. On the plus side I was able to fit into one of my dresses for the first time ever. My high school boyfriend's sister-in-law gave me a pretty red dress in 2003 but it was always too small for me. Not sure why I kept it for 9 years especially because I did not consider myself to have much mass to lose at that time but I guess the waiting game played off; I was able to fit into it. I am smaller now than I was in high school. That is slightly scary, but if there is one plus from being this stressed out I guess it is fat loss. Ugh, even saying that was forceful. I don't feel proud of it or good about it. I just see it as a physical result of mental and emotional stress. I guess this is why guys complain that girls will never be happy about their weight :P I wonder how the rest of my body is doing. I hope my immune system stays intact. I love my immune system. I am glad my acne is not stress-related. My skin has been doing pretty well. I still have my goggles tan though.

Sorry for the emo blog post. Thank you to my family, friends, and bf for putting up with my tears. :D

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Run, run, run!

My weight was all over the place this weekend, from 115 to 119 yesterday morning.

On Sunday Armando and I went for a bike ride. We went to the Ballona Creek Path for a total of 8  miles round trip. I skipped my run for that day. I only saw 2 ducks. I wish I saw more ducks. Also, riding my bike with my snowboarding helmet wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. My butt was hurting after we got to Marina Del Rey and had to take a break before we turned and headed back. I ate not great on Sunday: started off with two pancakes. That can't be good! I didn't eat enough vegetables and I ate too many refined carbs.

Speaking of eating poorly, yesterday I had "healthy nachos" for lunch -- that is, vegetarian without sour cream ;) After work I picked up my arm band from my sister, found my headphones, and turned on Pandora and went for my run. I was feeling really down about it because I thought it was going to take me so much to be able to get back to running a mile full without stopping. I got to my half mile mark and kept going. And kept going, and kept going... I went the full mile in 10 minutes! That was insane! I could not believe it! The music really helped me keep my mind off my feet and my breathing. At times it was just me and the music and I wasn't even paying attention to what my feet were doing. Don't get me wrong: I was really really tired and hurting in the end but I pushed myself. Here's my route:


View Larger Map

I had a hunch those nachos might have helped me, so this morning I ran without breakfast. I weighed in at 116 and hopped outside. It was really difficult especially in the beginning and end. When I got a few steps out the door I didn't think I was even going to make it to the halfway point. It was painful in more than one area. My legs were jelly. My lungs couldn't get enough air in them. My eyes were squinting from the light even though it was cloudy. It took so much energy to move my feet and I didn't even feel like I was going that far. But what do you know, I ended up doing the same route as yesterday. I forgot to time myself but I went through 2-3 songs on Pandora so I'm going to estimate 10-11 minutes. Also, I started to run on the asphalt instead of the cement on the bigger streets. Sidewalk is very hard and doesn't absorb any impact while street is just hard. More difficult to run on street, but better on the knees.

Last night I tried to hydrate up but I was SOOOO dehydrated -- 53%!

I need to up my fruit intake.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

More running

OMG!! HUGE disappointment... I ran more yesterday and today and I thought I ran 0.75 miles but I just calculated it and it was really just 0.5 each time. Lame!!! Bad maths!! Bad leg muscles!!! Omg I am HORRIBLE at this. I ran 1.3 miles for a total of 4 + 6 + 5 = 15 minutes. I don't remember the last time I was this out of shape!!!

Yesterday I was 116.2 or something and today I was 115.2 and 115.0. Somehow I managed to lose a pound overnight, cool.

Last night I was 54.4% TBW and 21.5% body fat. Take that, "athlete" status. This is such a horrible way to measure. I guess I could plot this on a line graph and see the trend. Blogger / Google should implement that in here.

This morning I ran my half mile (UGH) on an empty stomach. Well, last night I went to bed at around 10, woke up at 4, couldn't go to sleep for 2 hours, woke up at 9, stayed in bed until 11, and went for my run without eating anything. Probably not the best, but I was all lightweight at 115 and shit I was all, I can do this. It was a risk though because I know I have a tendency to feel sick if I work out on an empty stomach. But I wanted to work out in the morning before I ate because of the whole.. your muscles have a limited amount of glycogen because they were depleted of that overnight and your body burns through that soon and then starts to burn fat thing. I don't know what the time period is though to burn through the remaining glycogen (or what glycogen actually is.. I could probably look it up.) and resort to fat for energy but I'm hoping it was 0.25 miles of running or less. Actually, I ran the half mile and then walked and then picked up another tenth of a mile running. So I'm hoping I burned some actual fat there. And there was progress since last night.

It's 11:54 and I don't know what to eat for lunch. I ran out of food. I need to buy brown rice too for Armando.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Food today

I had an emergency this morning so I didn't eat breakfast. Half of a bad macaron I made last night (no feet AND it was hollow inside ughhhhH!!!), rice and a Tofurkey sausage, rice and a veggie burger. Then I had Sojourn tonight so I didn't eat at night. Not enough water. Tired and hungry. I'll give into tired.

SO out of breath.

Two things happened recently:
  1. Someone very close to me joined a weight loss competition where the stakes are HIGH.
  2. I went to Mammoth and two runs in my legs were aching.
I am helping the subject in #1 diet and exercise. Looking up protein powders made me want to go at it again. However, it was mostly the latter that made me realize exactly how out of shape I am. I decided to take on another shot at Insanity, but before that hardcoreness, I thought it would be a good idea to get into some sort of shape.

Yesterday I put on my running shoes (hello dusty little things), shorts (hello giant bruise I got from falling on a tree while snowboarding), and a t-shirt. I was so not in my mode. I couldn't find my armband phone holder thing so I could listen to music, and I know I brought my earphones from the house to my apartment but not sure where it is, but it's okay, I wanted it to be just me and the pavement. Keys and phone in hand, I hopped outside. My first thought was I had forgotten how to run. Ok, it's like fast walking with your knees slightly higher and your body bent slightly more forward. K, got that part covered. Then I realized I forgot to map it out. Oh well, just run around in circles and don't go too far or I'll get lost and be too lazy to try to find my way back and end up frustrated and crying on the grass a block away from my apartment. (The battery in my phone was dying, another reason it was okay I couldn't find my armband phone thing.) Problem solved. I hit an entire whopping 4 minutes for 0.3 miles before my whole body started aching, starting with my right side, then going to my left side, then my lungs, then my heart, then my trachea, then my pride and soul. I had to stop before I died. I walked a bit, then picked up again, telling myself I was doing Interval training. (I can convince myself of anything.) 10 minutes in I imagined if I had run the entire 10 minutes and was instantly intimidated by the daunting thought of running for 10 continuous minutes. Then my nose started running -- yup, forgot about how my nose runs when my feet do. Two girls also jogging ran past me separately while I was walking, their bodies as light as air, their legs with the strength of a raging fire (excuse the song lyric). Bitches.

I eventually made it home in one piece and realized, hey, it wasn't so bad. It was 20-30 minutes since I left which isn't too much time. I wasn't too sweaty. Exercising makes me stay away from bad food (I forwent the quesadilla I was thinking about). Exercising could make me hot. The time in between not exercising and exercising regularly is a PAIN but it could be worth it. I'm not that hurting today which I'm kind of disappointed at; wish I pushed myself harder. I need to get to a point where I feel comfortable enough to start Insanity, and summer's coming up REALLY soon, so that needs to be fast. So here I go again, blogging in an effort to encourage myself to keep up.

Current:
Weight: I weighed myself on Monday, Tuesday, and this morning (Wednesday), and I was 116.0, 116.2, and 116.4 lbs. I seem to be gaining 0.2 lbs by the day! :D Well, seeing as how Monday I was coming off from a weekend of endurance and dehydration, I'll stick with 116.4 as my starting point.
Body Fat %: 19.2% on Tuesday. "Athlete" by some standards, which is SO misleading -- I think it applies to "athletes" as much as it applies to "people who don't eat a lot."
TBW: 55.7%? 57.5%? I forget. I will weigh myself tonight.
Waist measurement: 26", which means I lost soooooooooooo much muscle because my waist was still 26" when my weight was 121 lbs.

Goals:
Body fat % to be 15%
Waist measurement: smaller than 26"! I've never hit smaller than 26".

I'll exercise by running for a couple of weeks, see how I feel. I want to be able to run a mile without stopping and I'm not sure if I can do that in a couple of weeks to be honest with the way I started out yesterday. A third of a mile before I quit! How shameful. I gotta push myself hard!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Willpower and Decision Making

I'm reading an article on the NY Times that talks about mental energy and how it relates to willpower and decision making. The gist is that you don't always make the same decision even if the subject in question is the same: it also depends on when you make that decision and what decisions you've made before that. In short: many decisions usually means that the last decisions were made hastily with the least effort because you've depleted your mental energy making decisions on the first few things.

A few pages into this article segued into willpower amongst dieters.
The discoveries about glucose help explain why dieting is a uniquely difficult test of self-control — and why even people with phenomenally strong willpower in the rest of their lives can have such a hard time losing weight. They start out the day with virtuous intentions, resisting croissants at breakfast and dessert at lunch, but each act of resistance further lowers their willpower. As their willpower weakens late in the day, they need to replenish it. But to resupply that energy, they need to give the body glucose. They’re trapped in a nutritional catch-22:
1. In order not to eat, a dieter needs willpower.
2. In order to have willpower, a dieter needs to eat.

As the body uses up glucose, it looks for a quick way to replenish the fuel, leading to a craving for sugar. After performing a lab task requiring self-control, people tend to eat more candy but not other kinds of snacks, like salty, fatty potato chips. The mere expectation of having to exert self-control makes people hunger for sweets. A similar effect helps explain why many women yearn for chocolate and other sugary treats just before menstruation: their bodies are seeking a quick replacement as glucose levels fluctuate. A sugar-filled snack or drink will provide a quick improvement in self-control (that’s why it’s convenient to use in experiments), but it’s just a temporary solution. The problem is that what we identify as sugar doesn’t help as much over the course of the day as the steadier supply of glucose we would get from eating proteins and other more nutritious foods. 
The article then goes into what brought up this essay in the first place which was a study done on the sentences of Jewish Israeli prisoners who were showing up in court. Similar to how we would always showed our parents our low test scores right after they ate in hopes that their full tummies would make them not get as mad at us (er.. at least I did, but I actually *got* low test scores, so you high-achieving Asians reading this blog may have no idea what I'm talking about), the prisoners had a higher chance of receiving parole right after lunch. Towards the end of the day more prisoners got denied parole proportionally for the same or lesser sentences, presumably because it was easier for the judge to avoid making a decision based on evidence and keep the prisoner in jail. So, food makes us happy. And you suck at making decisions when your stomach is empty. No-brainer. Back on topic....

I'm not sure how much exactly I agree with everything this journalist has stated. No doubt you get tired of making decisions and say, "fuck it, just take anything" after a long process of making decisions. But when it comes to self-control and repeat instances of "should I eat the cake or should I not," I feel like it becomes easier. For example: In January I decided to go mostly vegan for a month if any of you can remember. It was tough in the beginning, but once I got used to it, it became easy to avoid foods I told myself not to eat. And then 3 weeks into it I got a mini molten lava chocolate cake and I couldn't even finish it which amazed me so bad -- I didn't have the sweet tooth I was so familiar with. I always say that if you're going to avoid something you eat a lot, it's hard in the beginning, but it gets easier after the first few days. I stop craving those foods. In this example, using my willpower seemed like "practice" and it got easier with way less effort as the days went on. Of course, there is also a factor of addiction here too, as well as seeking out specific foods that didn't have animal products associated with them. Like my sweet tooth. I used to ALWAYS have to have something sweet after lunch but after a few days of forcing myself not to eat it, the urge is really really light after lunch.
“Good decision making is not a trait of the person, in the sense that it’s always there,” Baumeister says. “It’s a state that fluctuates.” His studies show that people with the best self-control are the ones who structure their lives so as to conserve willpower. They don’t schedule endless back-to-back meetings. They avoid temptations like all-you-can-eat buffets, and they establish habits that eliminate the mental effort of making choices. Instead of deciding every morning whether or not to force themselves to exercise, they set up regular appointments to work out with a friend. Instead of counting on willpower to remain robust all day, they conserve it so that it’s available for emergencies and important decisions.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?pagewanted=5&ref=general&src=me

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

All this not working out is really paying off

**EDIT:** I just realized that this is basically the same blog post from a month ago. So, apparently, not much has changed. Read if you're REALLY bored or forgot what I wrote in my last post. 

Lately I've been consistently between 117-120 lbs. Not really eating much in general... been kind of angry at food, I guess. Also I want to save money. Went on vacation to Chicago and when I came back my skin was super inflamed. I went to the dermatologist the day after I got back and he helped me a bit. My LATEST food gripe is bananas. I ate bananas while in Chicago and everyday when I got back for about 6 days, noticed that I started breaking out and tried stopping bananas, and my skin cleared up after a couple of days. Apparently bananas fall into the category of "inflammatory" foods. Fuck bananas, fuck peanuts, fuck gluten, fuck dairy. The list of foods I can eat is smaller than the foods I can't / won't. I have noticed though that I don't have to completely stay away from it; if I eat those foods sparingly then it seems to be okay. My self-control has worsened. I find myself "cheating" a lot more often, and it's not even at times where I am STARVING and there are absolutely no other options.

Previously I was eating for the purpose of getting adequate nutrition and building muscle. Now I'm eating for the purpose of not breaking out. This War on Acne has paid off, though: my skin is SIGNIFICANTLY better than it was in 2008 and because of this I am happier than when I ate anything I wanted and had acne. I have found foods that are like switches in my body that I can turn on and off (although the off switch is much more difficult to flip than the on switch). And I guess the other payoff is that I've lost weight. I wonder if I can lose 3-5 more lbs to get to a solid 115...

Friday, July 15, 2011

This morn...

I weighed myself this morning. 118 lbs. All that not working out is paying off!

In all seriousness, I don't know how much more muscle I can lose after the first couple of months of not working out. My waist was a good 26". Although, the bad part is that I haven't been drinking much water lately.

I've been slacking off food-wise. I ate like 4 quesadillas in the past 11 days. I finally caved and bought gluten-free tortillas. They are made from rice and are not as good as the flour kind.. of course. They get hard and not in a crunchy way. And they flake. I also ate some chocolate-covered almonds earlier this week. Boooo milk!

I hate to say it, but I am growing more and more hateful of food. The list of foods that I restrict keeps getting bigger. Rather than say what I choose not to eat, it's come to a point where it is much easier now to list the foods I DO choose to eat for environmental, moral, or skin purposes: fruit, vegetables, tree nuts, tofu, legumes that are not ground nuts, beans (although I suppose tofu goes in this category). Oh, chocolate, but I guess that goes in the beans category? The part where this hurts the most is cookies. A good vegan cookie isn't hard to come by, but it has wheat in it. I eat wheat sometimes. Like banh mi. Or cookies when I fold. Good news is my skin is under control. Well, under control in the sense that I know what causes acne and what doesn't for me, not under control in that my skin's completely clear, because it's not. I feel like if I screw up once I break out, which does if I eat certain things (like peanut butter or granola. Bread is hit or miss). So it makes me kind of depressed.

***edit*** just weighed myself to see my body fat percentage. 53% hydration = 23% body fat! Holy crap. I better water it up! I'm usually around 56% hydration. oigh.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

I didn't exercise, but I'm updating my blog anyway.

So this new report came out from this stats company that does the stats of how fat everyone is by state, and the news is: we're getting fatter. Wait, that's not news! Well, the "news" is that we're getting fatter slower than we were last year, pointing towards an eventual stop -- and hopefully a stop-and-reverse -- trend of obesity. Stats: in 1995, no state had a higher than 15% obesity rate, but now, only one state has a less than 20% obesity rate (it's like 19.8% or something super close to 20). However, a few states reported no more people getting fatter than last year. The other good ("good" being relative here) is that the reports stated a steady obesity rate in children. Meaning the percentage of kids that are fat is the same as last year. Good job, parents, good job.

It's studies like these that usually prompt the divide: there's the side that says, government, step in, do something! The other side says, screw the government, they can't control me, I can eat whatever I want!

Hey losers (that would be those who say the second one), listen up. I'm all for government keeping their grubby hands offa my life and all, but a >20% (and >30% in some states) obesity rate affects me. Firstly, selfishly, the bigger the average person, the smaller I am in comparison, and the less that things fit bodies like mine. In addition, there is a REASON people are getting bigger. It will become harder and harder to avoid the foods that are bad for me. I mean, besides the fact that I'm picky as hell. If the food we're surrounded by makes us fat, that means *I* am surrounded by food that will make me fat. Again, the average: if the average Californian is fat, it's because she eats in a certain lifestyle, and I don't want to eat that lifestyle, but it's going to be hard to avoid if it's the norm. Well, I'm exaggerating. Everyone who knows me knows that I don't eat the norm. So this is a worse-than-what-is-currently-happening scenario, and actually more places now have vegetarian and even vegan offerings, so this most likely won't happen in CA. This may be the case in other states though. Also, everyone who knows me knows that I have a discipline that allows me to eat a way that's drastically different from the average. Not everyone has this desire to suffer everyday like I do (I kid, I kid) so this means that I do fear for those who I love.

I just want to make sure I'm not coming off as shallow. I mean, I am shallow: I am watching my figure and would prefer it if others did too. But ALSO, I believe that the VAST MAJORITY of what ails us today could be prevented, mitigated, or cured through weight management primarily and nutrition education secondarily: obesity, high blood pressure, many cancers (yes, I said it, cancer), heart diseases. Technology has helped us live longer lives so we can continue to enrich our own well-being, the lives of those who love us, and our very own Mother Earth, and we're challenging that by feeding (pun intended) into preventable diseases.

The society we have today is one that needs to be immediate satiated, and the thought of long-term effects hardly have any consequence on our actions today. We're also very protective of our rights. We celebrate eating and make competitions out of it. We tell overweight children that they should love themselves the way they are and to continue living the same lifestyle they are living. The fashion industry started to hire plus-sized models to accommodate the plus-sized population (not that I loved the anorexic ones; we just went from size -10 to size 10 models). The last two imply that this problem is okay and again we should continue living the same lifestyle we're living. Obesity IS A PROBLEM. It is a problem that affects every American, whether or not that American is obese.

Other studies done on patrons at restaurants that have calorie counts in their menus have shown that either the calorie numbers have no effect or only have an effect on those who already watch their figure and try to eat healthy and do exercise. This means that there's apathy or lack of education among consumers. I think programs like that of Michelle Obama's Get Moving (or whatever it's called) Campaign and the Jamie Oliver Food Revolution (or something) help a lot. I also think we need to ditch that 2000 calories a day thing. That number is so subjective. I mean, firstly, I don't think the average American counts calories, and secondly, a female eating 2000 cals is different from a guy eating 2000 cals. 2000 calories in fruits and vegetables is different from 2000 calories in grains and meat. I'm not saying that Americans need to count calories at every meal or snack but I just think this is the wrong way to go about it.

I was at Mongolian BBQ earlier this week for lunch and a couple and their very young daughter were in line in front of me. The dad filled up the daughter's bowl with some meat and then moved down the line and asked if she wanted some vegetables (rhetorically). She said no. He asked her twice more, each time trying to entice her: "you want some vegetables? Look, they have snap peas!" Each time she said no. They of course put vegetables in her bowl. It also reminded me of a work event I attended a while ago, and one of the women brought her daughter, probably the same age as the kid I saw this week. She had a bowl of rice, vegetables, and meat, and she only ate the meat. Now I'm not judging the parents at all. Obviously, the kids think the meat is very tasty, and the vegetables yucky. There may be some biological intuition going on with what their bodies are craving... I don't buy into that since meat doesn't provide as much nutrition as plant food pound per pound, there's no biological reason for a human body to exclude plant food, and if you wanna go biological, hunter-gatherers didn't eat meat too often. But I had to throw it out there.

Everyone knows the early ages are the most influential. The future generation is what worries me the most. We need to celebrate fresh fruits and vegetables, and make them the center of the dinner, and use lean meats and refined carbs as side dishes.

This is where I'm okay if the government steps in. I'm all for capitalism, okay, but I honestly would be an advocate for getting rid of high fructose corn syrup as one of the first ingredients on an ingredient list. Sure, as the old commercial told us, it's "natural, comes from corn, and is okay in moderation," but the truth is, it's NOT used in moderation. That being said, government stepping in will only do so much and it will also make some sensitive people backlash and cry that the guys on Capitol Hill are trying to control their lives. Education to the people and empathy by manufacturers will make more of a difference. We need more widespread education about food and how it affects our bodies. We need the government to shift its subsidies from meat plants to the produce department and stop thinking about the revenue and more about its people. One of the reasons this is so hard to reverse is because sugar is an addiction. Refined carbohydrates is an addiction. When it's hidden in your food as a kid you grow up and stuff like vegetables that aren't laden in dressing and sauce taste like nothing. Your tastebuds are taught to like a certain type of thing and your body is trained to crave certain types of things from when you're a kid and what your parents and siblings eat.. The transition is difficult which makes me go back to the "immediate satiation" thing.

Lots of misinformation out there. You cannot go wrong with some discipline, fruits, vegetables. Maybe some lean meats if you're into that. Indulgences here and there, no big deal. Some grains. The initial part is hard, but it gets easier. Don't listen to the manufacturer label. Look at the actual ingredients. A cookie is still a cookie even if it's made from whole grains and dark chocolate. Then you don't even have to worry about your weight.

Last thing. And yes, it's going to be preachy. FYI: we are the only country (maybe Canada too?) that allows our cows to be injected with growth hormones. In Europe and Asia, growth hormones are outlawed. Think about it. Our cow farmers are injecting their cows to get beefed up quickly. And then you eat it. You're undoubtedly getting some of that growth hormone too. Just throwing that out there...